Tech suits were the worst thing designed by man. O.K., maybe second after the speedo. If you don’t know what one is, shame on you, shame on you. If you still don’t know what one is, go watch this video and stop wasting my time. Geez, people these days. There are a lot of problems with tech suits and, you know what, I am in such a good mood today that I am going to explain all the problems to you. You’re in for a treat. The first problem is how tight they are. Companies thought it was a smart idea to make the suits as tight as possible, so the suit would compress you muscles. NO, NO, and NO. Do you know how gross it is to see a big fat guy in a tight suit that looks like it will break at any moment? Absolutely terrifying. What’s worse is when they bend down on the block and the moon just lights up the day time. WOW. You thought it was bad with a regular suit. It is ten times worse with a tech suit. It’s a full moon versus a quarter. The next problem is how long they take to put on. Since they are so tight, it take decades to put it on. For guys it takes a good twenty minutes to put on. Twenty minutes! I could order a pizza, eat it, and go back for seconds before some dudes are done putting on the suit. That’s crazy. The worst part is that everyone says the hardest part to get in the suit is the butt. Dude, the butt! I swear the butt takes ten minutes by itself to push into the suit. Sometimes you have to ask another dude to push your butt into the suit to get it on. Nasty? Absolutely. True? Would I ever lie? The third problem is going to the bathroom while wearing the suit. You have two options. Either pee in the pool or go use the actual bathroom. And before you get grossed out, we all know that there are two kinds of people in the world: people who pee in the pool and liars. Think about it. Think about it. Ya, we have all done it. It is either pee in the pool or spend another twenty minutes trying to get the suit up from your ankles. I personally would go the faster route. Judge me how you want. You will understand if you ever find yourself wearing one, which is probably never. So, let’s recap, shall we? Tech suits are terrible torture devices made by man. They are worse than the dude who thought up the stroke the butterfly. Just please do not wear a tech suit if you are fat. Spare us all a nightmare, and I will keep on praying for tech suits that are easier to put on. I guess that for now swimmers will just have to suffer through. And using the restroom, well, I guess certain things will never change.
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AuthorA tired and very hungry swimmer. Archives
February 2018
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